Late “Day of Birth” Gift

May 28, 2009

So I was supposed to do this story around my birthday… There was even an elaborate plot and story I had for this occasion; but someone insisted on taking her time entering the world… kids.

Well, a really good friend and avid reader of this blog gave birth to a beautiful baby girl  @ 7:50 pm. I must say that we three kings 4 kings and queens had amazing timing. As we arrived at 7:53pm we hear the baby crying for the first time: Talk about great timing !

This baby, this baby right here? this baby has a great set of lungs!

Really good lungs…

As we sit in the family waiting room, I’m hearing from one of the family members that the doctor walked in AFTER the baby was born… I wonder if the doctor still gets paid… probably.

I must say it was a little awkward sitting  in the waiting room with her family; I mean I can’t really describe myself as her blogmaster friend who came to do a play-by-play story of her birth…

Swine flu story of the day: a customer gets a refund at Publix because the cashier coughed on her merchandise…

As we continue to hang out in the waiting room, the family starts telling random stories to pass the time; apparently, the new mom was bald until she was 2…  I didn’t want to put this in new mom, but the public has a right to know…

I wonder how people will be in the waiting room when Mrs. Blogmaster and I are ready to introduce our first mini-blogger to the world. I’ve decided I’m going to need a blogger or two on location for us. I’m still trying to figure out how I’ll be able to blog and be supportive husband/coach in the delivery room…

It’s 806 and we’re waiting on an official word from the medical team.

It’s 823, the parents are good, mom is tired and needs real food… Jello, broth and juice? Seriously???

We are still waiting on medical staff for an official weigh in. Mom gets her food minutes later everything she requested… Cheese burger and all. The baby is already giving mom the side-eye for her cheese burger… Kids.

Mother and Child together for their first meal.

Mother and Child together for their first meal.

As I stood their watching this miracle of life I noticed something: The Grand-Parents are unbelievably selfish… They all seem pretty territorial, trying to decide who holds the baby, and forcing poses and multiple pictures… Be careful new parents; I smell treachery afoot with the old regime.

Quit pestering the new parents ! They’ve been through quite a bit today… let them enjoy their day. You only get one “first birth” I understand everyone is excited by the new birth; and their “first birth” might not have been as nice… but that doesn’t give you the right to try to rain on their parade. That’s all I say about that.

The baby's first recorded "Side-Eye" after hearing enough from the grandparents.

The baby's first recorded "Side-Eye" after hearing enough from the grandparents.

So the fairy dog-mother and Mrs blogmaster got to hold the baby… No one thought to pass the baby to me OR to the fairy dog-father… why?

Did it occur to anyone that maybe I wanted to hold the baby?

Is it because I’m a guy ???

Sexist jerks.

The phone conversations and interviews start at 9pm….

I was finally able to get a chance to hold the beautiful baby girl who weighs in at 7lbs 5oz. and is 20.5″.

First picture of the happy family.

First picture of the happy family.

I managed to look into the baby’s eyes and promised her a Steak and Lobster dinner when she turned 5, and everyone laughed; they’ll learn.

Me and the little girl who will have steak and lobster in 5 years

Me and the little girl who will have steak and lobster in 5 years

I would like to take this time to address everyone on facebook who thought that this child was mine. Shame on each and every one of you… you REALLY think I wouldn’t have been blogging about this before tonight? This really showed me how much people really know me. All of my friends who speak to me on a regular basis did not fall for this trick; and I want to thank all of you for taking the time to be my friend. Everyone else, step your game up; behavior like this doesn’t get you invitations to the wedding…

I was able to do a little self-reflecting. It made me realize that even though I helped raised eight siblings, there’s nothing like having your own bundle of joy for that first time in your arms. In a few years, that’s gonna be Mrs. Blogmaster and I looking exhausted and happy and telling our parents to stop trying to take credit for our kid “We didn’t have a baby, I had a baby” truer words never spoken new mom.

Finally, I want to congratulate new mom and new dad for one of their finest achievements to date. I already know that child will be surrounded with love and support (and hopefully a PS3 controller in her hand)

There’s no food like Free food

May 27, 2009

Today, at the office it was decided we would celebrate the May birthday’s at Ruby Tuesday’s. I was happy at first, but then I was like “wait, I don’t have any money for food” and one of the “bosses” told me that I wouldn’t have to pay for my dinner; I then jumped for joy and quickly replied “I guess I shall have the Lobster then !”  they all started laughing. Their mistake.

I came into the office this morning, and I had to check in with my boss to let her know my plans for today. I let her know I intended on having Lobster today. She laughed also; her mistake.

So the “Cool Kids” and I were all excited about getting out the office to eat. The day before we decided we would drive in the “newest” car among us. Some how, the “powers that be” had other plans…

They “decided” that they were going to have the 3 girls drive with my boss, and I would drive with the other 3 bosses… I was NOT going along with that, so I quickly spoke up and told them how we planned on driving together, and how much more sense it would make our way. The boss with the bad news saw the logic, and everyone was happy.

As we got ready to leave my Fairy Dogmother realized that the bosses would try to tail us, or expect us there at a certain time, so as we drove we happened to get “caught” by each of the red lights. It was crazy, there was even one time we had to stop for a “scary yellow light” since our lives were in danger…  not really

As we pulled up, my Fairy Dogmother got a call, it was from her boss asking where were we and if we got stuck in traffic; we were in the parking lot at the time of this call. Overprotective much ???

We get inside, and we’re seated; we look through the menu, and as soon as I open the menu, I was greeted by my lunch for the day. There it was; Lobster Tails and Steak calling me, begging me to choose this plate as my birthday meal. I did feel guilty about it because of the price, but I DID say I was going to get Lobster, and no one objected; their silence meant approval in my book.

“The Cool Girls” also agreed and insisted I get the meal for the sheer comedy of it all. I mean, a “free lunch” is a free lunch, right?

My lunch took the last to arrive out of everyone who was at the event; I told people it was because they were still trying to catch the Lobsters, they all laughed; little did they know how true that statement was.

Yes, it was SO amazing...

Yes, it was SO amazing...

This was the plate that was set before me finally; I know people were watching, and there might have been a case or two of the “Jealousy Virus” but that’s OK, because I had my shots before I left the office.

The “Scout Boss” came over to explain how our meals would be paid for; I continued to eat as I felt her eyes burn holes into my plate. We also knew that she would report back to the other bosses as soon as she got back; and sure enough, she reported back, and I was told that 8 eyes gazed upon me as I enjoyed the lobster tail. The steak was good too, but that LOBSTER TAIL ??? yeah, that much better.

One thing that we noticed was the Office Politics that happened right there in the restaurant. The other group we were out with gave out cards; We got our cards too. The other group gave their employees fun presents, we got Ice Cream since they didn’t bring presents

It's even better when it's free

It's even better when it's free

I doubt this was done on purpose but… My Co-worker who was part of the birthday crew had caramel on her Vanilla Ice Cream. When I started to cry “foul” my fairy Godmother insisted this was part of integration. (OK, I need to either stop using this photo…)

Other than that, it was a great day, We got back and my shift was over in 30 minutes; 20 of them were taken up by amazing cake. It was here that I first heard about “Coke Cake”. now when I first heard Coke Cake from my boss I was a little shocked she would know about that. As the conversation went on I realized they were talking about the OTHER kind of Coke. Yup, I was slightly embarrassed, but laughed it off.

Coke Cake, who knew?

*Editors note*

I want to apologize to all my readers for taking so long with this story. I originally planned on doing this at 4, but that “itis” got me REAL good… I didn’t officially wake up until 5.

(slightly nsfw, jump to 2:10 for an explanation)